


Rocks and Hard Places

by rudbeckia



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Kylux Cantina, M/M, Sex Toys, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 14:58:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14022726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: Short fics written for the Kylux Cantina on the theme ofmonuments.The E rating is for chapter 6.





	1. The importance of examining all angles

Hux regarded the larger-than-life statue from the front with an air of appraisal. He tapped his knuckle on his chin, elbow supported by the other hand, arm folded across his front. The sculptor droid had done a very good job: from the top of the billowing hood to the toes of the boots the likeness was precise. The addition of two crouching loth-hounds, one snarling out from either side of the Supreme Leader’s feet, was a dramatic addition that he’d personally authorised and it gave the statue a suitable hint of menace. The droid had even rendered the loth-hounds’ pelts in realistically coarse, curly glory. Hux smiled. It would do very nicely.

“What is that obscenity doing here?”  
Hux’s head snapped up. Startled, he looked across the studio at Kylo Ren who marched towards him from behind the statue. Kylo pointed.  
“I demand to see the... the ARTIST immediately!”  
Hux scowled. “I don’t know what you’re so upset about, Supreme Leader. I thought the sculptor droid did a remarkable job of capturing your likeness. Your scar is perfectly positioned and your eyes have such a fiery spark. I thought erecting one of these statues in the capital of every First Order system would help stiffen our support and keep the credits coming. Give each population a little thrill at your immense—”

Kylo grasped Hux firmly by the arm and pulled him several steps behind the likeness of the Supreme Leader.  
“Cast your critical eye over it from this angle, Armitage.”  
Kylo steered Hux around by the shoulders to examine the back of the statue. Hux frowned. At the top, the back of Kylo’s hood had a slight fold. From there it flared in a bell shape to his shoulders. Since Kylo’s arms wielded his lightsaber in front of his body the clean line of his cloak fell smoothly down until it vanished behind the rounded backs of the two loth-hounds. Hux still frowned.  
“I don’t see the problem, Kylo, it’s a—“  
He stopped.  
“It’s a...”  
Kylo waited. Hux flustered and turned pink.  
“Well then, we will insist that it be erected with a wall behind it.”

“There is no way,” said Kylo slowly, “that you are authorising the erection of that _erection_ anywhere in my galaxy.”  
Hux gave the back of the statue another once-over and sighed.  
“Shame,” he said. “It really is uncannily accurate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: who designed such a phallic looking tower?


	2. Vain Display

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: empty plinth

Hux smiled with cat-like satisfaction at the empty plinth. Until a few minutes ago, it had been the site of a proud display of the likeness of the recently deposed king. The First Order had no need of disobedient monarchs who clung to the illusion of power. The remains of the statue lay as gravel and scorched sand strewn beneath their feet and Hux considered ordering the proud fool who’d thought heritage gave licence to defy direct orders from Leader Ren to sweep it all away. 

Instead he turned at the crunch of heavy footsteps.  
“Ah, Supreme Leader. Good.” Hux exuded smarm. “What do you think should replace that vain show of impotence?”  
Hux gave a shrill shriek as he was raised into the air and deposited—upright, thankfully—on the vacated pedestal.  
“Oh,” said Kylo with a tight smile, “I think we might replace one vain show of impotence with another.”


	3. Wielding the rod of his influence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Triumphal arch”

Hux thought he’d never have a better moment in his life. He stretched out across his bed in pleasurable comfort, relaxed and warm after enough sleep at last. 

He’d won! He’d triumphed over all his adversaries: the imperials who’d always scorned him were sidelined or dead, the rebels were scattered and unimportant now, Kylo Ren was no longer a threat to his ambition and he could march onward with his plan to make the galaxy a place of calm acceptance of good order. 

He didn’t seek to rule, though. No. He would wield the rod of his influence from his rightful position behind the Supreme Leader. 

As if hearing his thoughts, Kylo Ren gave a little snort and pulled himself up onto his knees, arching his back in invitation.   
“Come on then,” he teased. “Get your rod into position behind your Supreme Leader and we’ll see how much influence you can wield.”


	4. Kylo’s Morning Menhir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: standing stone

“Kylo?”  
Kylo raised his head and saw Hux watching him, a smile playing with his lips. He yawned and stretched, nude on top of the bedcovers.  
“What?”  
“You reminded me of something,” said Hux, grinning openly now. “Just for a second. A place, actually. And now I can’t get the image out of my head.”

Hux laughed. It wasn’t often he thought of his childhood on Arkanis with joy and he relished this opportunity to connect two scenes, to overwrite a memory of cold misery with something much sunnier. He sat on the bed beside Kylo, resting a cool palm on his bare thigh.  
“Can I show you?”

Kylo frowned. “I thought you said never to go rummaging in that mind of yours ever again.”  
“I know,” replied Hux, “but it’s such a vivid image that I can barely describe the half of it. You can look. I want you to, just this once.”

Pausing with his hand outstretched, puzzled by the mischievous anticipation on Hux’s face, Kylo closed his eyes and concentrated.

Grey cold drizzle, indistinguishable from the rising mist from a wet moorland, soaking everything.  
Wind howling across tors and whistling through gaps in grey outcroppings, sounding like a wild, ravenous beast that scented prey.  
Small creatures scurrying for cover, darting along ghost footpaths and diving into ankle-twisting burrows.  
Ahead and up, a solitary standing stone—soaring tall from the springy, scrubby, spindly thornbrush so wide rooted and needle leaved that no wind could scour it from the thin layer of acidic soil—with cloud easing down to kiss its lichen-stained, rounded tip.

And little Armitage, lost by his own design, fear and bravery squirming in his gut, walking towards it on legs that ached, tears mingling with the water that dripped from his overlong hair.

Sudden sunlight shafting here and there through the cloud cover transforming the greys and muted olives into a paradise of greens and golds, bathing the standing stone so that it glittered with thousands of tiny facets.

The image and emotions shifted and shimmered. It wasn’t little Armitage any more. Hux’s memory was rewriting itself under his own direction. It was the Hux he knew striding across the squelchy ground with confidence in his strong bearing, reaching out to touch the stone that he knew to be cold and damp and rough.

Except it wasn’t. There was no standing stone. No cold and desolate moorland. Hux’s hand, when it landed felt warm flesh and—

Kylo recoiled and laughed. Hux snorted and almost doubled over with giggles. Kylo slapped his arm making noise without pain.  
“I don’t know whether I should be flattered or insulted,” he said. “Did you just compare my cock with a menhir?”


	5. Pushover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: Tearing down a monument to Snoke

“But it looks nothing like him!”  
Hux rolled his eyes at Kylo’s surprise.  
“Well of course not!” Hux spoke quietly lest the crowd of onlookers overhear. “How do you think the ordinary people of conquered systems would react to the sight of a gangly ten-foot tall alien with a chasm in his skull, the teeth and mottled skin of a fifty-a-day stimsmoker, a hole in his jaw and one cheekbone wider than the other?” He tutted. “Of course the ugly bastard had someone else model for the statue.”

Kylo stepped closer to it. The features were a lot more human than Snoke had ever been, but just as familiar—to Kylo at least—and far more handsome.  
“Are you sure?” asked Kylo. “Now I know the face everyone thinks of when they hear his name isn’t his I care a lot less.”  
“Yes,” replied Hux with a curt nod. Tear it down. Tear them all down in public. It’s what you ordered, isn’t it?”  
“Yes,” said Kylo with a sigh. He ignited his lightsaber but paused and looked at Hux. “It seems a waste when we could just change the plaque.”  
Hux pulled his blaster and shot a chunk out of the statue’s face to a ripple of applause. Kylo threw the debris away with a gesture.  
“Stop stalling, Kylo. I was younger and far more of a pushover when I agreed to it. I was flattered. I thought... I thought I was someone special when all he wanted was a pretty young officer so desperate for promotion he’d say yes to anything.”  
“Ah.” Kylo changed his strategy. He deactivated his red plasma blade and held Hux’s shoulders for a show of support while he reached out his other hand, grasping and crushing. The statue imploded with a sickening crunch and Kylo sent shards of stone tumbling away from them.

Hux sagged with relief and Kylo caught him for the holocameras. 

“I promise,” said Kylo to Hux, but with his head up for the crowd, “that when every last memorial glorifying that evil being is reduced to dust, I will have a new one made. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and, at his side, his loyal Grand Marshal Armitage Hux.”  
“I will not agree to such vanity!” declared Hux after a few seconds pause for cheering. “Our legacy of order in the entire galaxy will be our first and last monument!”

On the way back to the shuttle, Hux walked in sombre and stately silence beside Kylo.  
“I think that went rather well,” Hux said as they took their seats. “There are only three or four Snokes and a couple of Palpatines left since the populace got the idea and tore down a few on their own. This decision of ours to hold a mutinous revolution has really pulled the rug out from under the imperials’ feet, dried up more than half of the support for the resistance and stoked the fervour of our younger generation. I swear I saw Peavey shedding a tear when I blasted the Brendols one by one off the face of Arkanis. You know he’s been executed for his cowardly attack on a medical support ship and several unarmed transports?”  
“Yes,” Kylo cupped Hux’s face to hold him for a kiss. “But you do want a statue of us in every system, don’t you?”  
“Well of course, you fool,” replied Hux, smiling. “But not until the events of the past few days have faded into distant memories and we’ve got a firm grip on the galaxy. I wouldn’t want some horde of disgruntled local dweebits thinking they can tear down just any old statue!”


	6. A perfect companion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Make a cast of my body  
> (The prompt was way longer—lyrics—but I went for the easy part)

Hux knows it’s wrong, weird even, but Hux is a man who likes to get what he wants. 

All it takes is a quick slice into the security holofeed of the gym Kylo Ren has chosen as his private training area. Hux watches him train with hungry eyes and, since the security cams follow Kylo into the sonics, he watches Ren there too. 

He knows the computer is calculating human geometry, assessing textures and tones, building a data file that captures what it is to be Kylo Ren.

Or at least what it is to look like Kylo Ren. Hux knows that what he _is_ is unattainable.

But he can have the next best thing. All it takes is a file upload from an anonymous server and some credits, and an excruciating wait.

When the delivery arrives, he has it sent to his private chambers without unpacking. He dismisses Kayfour and uses his override to deactivate his own security holofeed. As he opens the crate, his stomach flutters and he wonders if his legs will hold him. He brushes packing materials from its face and holds his breath.

It’s beautiful.

He can’t have Kylo Ren, but he can have this.

It’s not sophisticated. It’s not a true droid so there’s no chance of accidental awareness: it’s as sentient as his programmable sanisteam. Hux presses the little switch on the back of his— _its_ head and the doll sits up and climbs out of its packaging. Hux can hardly wait but he forces himself to be cautious, to savour his first time with such an exquisitely crafted toy.   
“Follow me,” he says, and walks to the bedroom. The doll obeys every one of a limited range of spoken commands without speaking back. Hux did not see the need for his toy to talk to him. He has him— he has _it_ stand, turn around, sit, remove the short tunic he— _it_ arrived in, lie on the bed, adopt a few pre-programmed alluring poses, and, finally, plug into a charging port. 

He wants it so badly he almost touches himself. He wants to come over that pale chest and the face that looks like Kylo Ren’s without any of the disdain or anger. Instead he strokes its fibre hair, leans over and kisses it on its full, soft, cool lips. The doll’s mouth opens a little as heat and pressure sensors send signals to actuators in its polymer skeleton, and Hux sighs.  
“Your name will be Kylo.”  
The doll nods once. 

Hux has duties to attend to. Playing with his doll will be his reward for a satisfactory shift on the bridge and a profitable conference with a few of their most generous investors. He manages to hide his haste to return to his chambers but wraps up the conference without his usual ten minutes of toadying and flattery once business is concluded.

The Kylo-doll is exactly where Hux left it. Hux calls for it and uses the sanisteam with Kylo-doll there to pass him his robe. He takes Kylo-doll’s hand and leads him— leads _it_ to the living room and tells it to sit on the sofa. It does, sitting upright with his— _its_ hands folded in its lap. Hux opens his robe, straddles it and tells it to fondle him while he kisses it. Kylo-doll complies with carefully engineered movements. Hux’s cock hardens quickly and he pushes into Kylo-doll’s touch. Kylo-doll matches pressure with pressure and Hux is dangerously close to coming far earlier than he intends before he tells him— tells _it_ to stop. 

He climbs off and sinks to his knees, burying his face in Kylo-doll’s lap. He knows it’s pointless, but he takes Kylo-dolls flaccid penis into his mouth anyway, laughing around it when sensors and pneumatics respond by making the polymer cock swell. He wishes he’d thought to bring the lube through. He’d’ve ridden and fucked him— fucked _it_ right here. Instead he gets up again and orders it to follow him to the bedroom and lie on the bed. He straddles it again, slicks two of its fingers and tells it to finger him. As the first cool, slippery digit enters him, Hux gasps and closes his eyes. Kylo-doll works the finger in and out rhythmically a few times then breaches Hux with two fingers when Hux tells it to. Hux opens his eyes and watches the impassive face beneath him. If only, Hux thinks as he closes his eyes and moans softly, he’d— _it_ would smile or blush or moan in return.

It’s efficient. Soon Hux is ready and he slicks up Kylo-doll’s phallus and eases himself down slowly. He places both hands flat on Kylo-doll’s broad chest and tells it to thrust slow and shallow. It does, and then increases in tempo and force when Hux demands. By the time Hux begs him— _instructs it_ to slow and then stop, Hux is so close he thinks a gust of air over his balls might make him come. He eases up carefully and tells Kylo-doll to sit up and kiss him. The doll sits up but waits and Hux has to lean in for the unsatisfying kiss. 

Next, when Hux thinks he can last, he tells Kylo-doll to get on all fours. Hux slicks up its hole, exploring its cool inside with his fingers then puts in a condom like the instructions recommend. When he enters him— _it,_ there is no grunt or moan or hiss of breath. Hux rolls his hips and feels the smooth slide of Kylo-doll’s internal passage without the hot, tight ring of muscle a real partner would have. He sighs. It’s not perfect, but he has to admit it’s not bad to be balls deep in a sex toy with Kylo Ren’s build and hair. 

Hux closes his eyes and lets his imagination fill in the gaps. He forgets himself soon enough and reaches round to tweak a nipple and grasp Kylo-doll’s large but inert cock. The reminder that Kylo-doll is not real is a little off-putting. He remembers something from the instruction manual and gives a command. In seconds, Kylo-doll flexes impossibly, reaches its hand between their legs and slips a finger into Hux’s entrance. The vibrations start gently both in the finger and the pliant polymer of his— _its_ cavity and build up until Hux is moaning aloud with every white-hot pulse of his orgasm. He barely remembers that he has to tell Kylo-doll to stop. 

He decides, as he cleans himself and Kylo-doll up in a cool sanisteam, that he can forgive his new toy’s lack of voluntary reciprocation.

The next day he brings Kylo-doll a lieutenant’s uniform. It occurs to him that he could probably have a real lieutenant to see to his desires, but there’s something about the sight of Kylo in uniform with his hair neat— Kylo- _doll_ with its hair in a neat bun and standing at parade rest that does something low in Hux’s gut. 

He decides he has to be careful. When Kylo-doll is not in use or charging, he asks him to— _tells it_ to remain deactivated in the wardrobe. After he wakes up from having fallen asleep with Kylo-doll’s hands caressing his back, he decides he should not allow him— he should not _use it_ as a sleeping aid. 

Eventually Hux decides he should not use Kylo-doll again other than in times of desperation. He leaves it in the wardrobe for a whole miserable week just to prove to himself that he can. Then he leaves it for another week just to be sure, but charged just in case.

In the mean time, his professional relationship with the Supreme Leader has improved. They are no longer snapping at one another and Hux has not suffered the indignity of being physically degraded by invisible forces for long enough for all the bruises and scrapes to have completely healed. The Supreme Leader walks back with him after debrief of a successful mission planetside and pauses outside the door to Hux’s suite. Hux raises an eyebrow.  
“Did you have something further to discuss, Supreme Leader?” Hux asks.  
Kylo Ren looks a little uncomfortable. He shuffles and smiles.  
“Not really. Nothing important. I wondered if we could... Doesn’t matter. Goodnight, Hux.”  
“Supreme Leader?” Hux sucked his lip. “Would you care for a... a nightcap?”

In the silent seconds while Hux clenches and unclenches his fists and Kylo Ren turns slowly, Hux wonders if perhaps he has miscalculated his chances with the Supreme Leader. With the real Kylo. They have been getting along, exchanging smiles and jokes at the expense of the imperials. Perhaps to the Supreme Leader that’s a form of flirting. His stomach flips at the Supreme Leader’s eager smile and tight nod, and he fumbles the door open. Once inside, he asks what the Supreme Leader would like and Kylo Ren seems confused by the question.  
“Supreme Leader, I can offer you brandy or wine. Or,” Hux says, stepping forward as he looks at Kylo Ren’s intense gaze, “perhaps there’s something else you want from me? Something... hot?”  
The Supreme Leader is on him in a heartbeat. He’s warm, so warm! His lips are rough in places but eager to respond to Hux’s encouragement and his tongue slides into Hux’s mouth in a way that makes him weak-kneed. His arms hold Hux a little too tight and it is glorious. Their bodies fit flush together and Hux giggles at the sensation of the Supreme Leader’s hard cock rubbing against his own through far too many layers of fabric. 

Nothing else matters right now. There is only the Supreme Leader and desire. Hux pulls him through to the bedroom and they wrestle one another out of their clothing before falling onto each other on the bed. Their negotiations are physical: pushes and pulls and kisses. The Supreme Leader sighs with relief that Hux is not put off by his size, and Hux pushes him down onto his back, slicks him up and eases down onto him with closed eyes and a controlled breath. The Supreme Leader closes his eyes too and groans obscenely. Hux thumbs at his nipples and leans in for a kiss as the Supreme Leader carefully thrusts up into Hux.

Hux sighs and smiles and moves the way he is used to, chasing his pleasure but holding back before he comes too soon, before he has—  
The Supreme Leader senses Hux is saving himself and shifts so that Hux sees stars every time he moves. There’s a murmur of _we can do that later, come for me, Hux, I want to feel you come on me_ and Hux bites his lip hard to prevent it.  
“Supreme Leader, I want—“  
“Yes! Again, later! You know my name, Armitage.”

They’re both so close, the Supreme Leader’s eyelids flutter and his hips move faster, hands gripping so tight to Hux that he thinks he’ll have bruises he’ll like. He doesn’t care: he’s about to come over Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren is about to come in him and he wants it so badly he could scream.  
Hux’s head swims, He feels Ren give a few last thrusts and hears his juddery moan then Hux is spinning, out of his head, spilling with a cry of _Kyyylooo!_ on his lips.

They lie collapsed for as long as it takes to catch their breath and open their eyes. Hux eases himself up and falls to the side. The Supreme Leader turns for a kiss but freezes and points at something behind Hux.  
“What,” he says, “the fuck. Is that?”

Hux turns to look, dread settling like duracrete in his belly. There, standing patiently in front of the open wardrobe door, waiting for instructions, stands Kylo-doll in all its polymer perfection.


End file.
